For another excerpt about this character (and details on the project) click HERE
Boy, Ive had the worst day. Ive been in a really bad mood lately and Mommy wishes she was still in school so she didnt have to deal with me all day. She threatened to send me to a home the other day. She aint never done that before. She was crying. Im still not sure what a home is but if it aint my home I dont want to go there. I dont know why Ive been in such a bad foul mood lately except I feel stuck. I wanna move out and live near my mother and make my own rules. Im the man of the house but my moms in charge. I cant move out though. For one thing it costs a lot of money. For another thing I cant even cook for myself. Mom tried to teach me but she said it was totally fuckin hopeless. If I had a wife she could cook for me but I havent had any luck with that yet. I was walking round the neighborhood picking up soda cans because Mrs. Wilson told me I could make a little money off them.
I started watching the TV through somebodys window, they were watching some kind of horror movie with people getting tied up and cut to pieces. I started looking through peoples windows to see if I could catch anything else interesting and then I saw the boy who called me a retards mom through a window cooking and listening to music. She really was pretty, even though she was mean and said I should go to a home. Her kitchen was very clean. She was dancing to the music and I thought she was a pretty good dancer. Then she spilled something on her shirt and said “Shit.”
She tried to wipe it off with a paper towel and then she just took her shirt of. Her bra was lacy and white. I knew I should stop watching but I was waiting to see if shed take her bra off to. Then she saw me standing in her yard looking in her window and she said “Oh, my God! Dwight!” She covered her breasts and screamed for her husband Richard. I ran. Richard ran after me; hes bigger then me. He works out and hes a cop. He ran after me and grabbed me. I fell down and hit the ground hard.
“Do you know this guy, Nicole?”
“Hes that fucking retarded kid from down the street. Hes Dolores’.”
“Oh, fuck, I know them. Whats your name, kid?”
“Its Dwight.” Nicole said. “He threw a walnut at Robbie last year, remember?”
“Dwight, its not okay to spy on people, OK? If you spy on my wife again Im going to have to call the police. Have you ever been to jail, Dwight?”
I shook my head.
“Well, his mother sure has,” Nicole said.
“Dwight, stay away from my family. Im sure your a nice kid, but you seem to cause a lot of trouble.”
I nodded. “Im sorry Mr. White. Please dont tell my mom.”
“Dwight, I think I should tell your mom, OK? She needs to know when her son gets into trouble.”
Richard walked me home and made me stand there while he told my mom what I did. My mom thanked him even though he was a cop and then she told me to get my fuckin ass inside, shed deal with me in a minute.
“Im sorry Mom, I didnt know she was going to take her shirt off. Please dont hit me.”
“Shut your fuckin mouth and get in the house.” I went inside and then I took my shoes off and sat on the couch. I started picking scabs off my arm and then I scratched my wrists with my fingernails and made sounds with my throat. I used to make these sounds when I got scared or angry and kids used to make fun of me. They called me ‘Gump’ cause I was stupid and they imitated me. I used to get really angry and then I hit this one kid Eric in the face with a lunch tray and gave him a bloody nose. Thats when they tried to put me back in speddie class and they made me go see this woman about my mental problems. The woman was nice but she talked to me real slow and I dont like that. I aint bright but I aint that stupid either. She couldnt remember my name either. Called me ‘Dwayne.’ Finally I let her call me ‘Dwayne’ cause she was to stupid to remember my damn name is Dwight.
Mom came in and she started hitting me. She smacked me hard in the face and left a red mark there.
“Do you have any fuckin idea how much you embarressed me? Now everybodys gonna think my sons a goddamn pervert, and Im this trainwreck of a mother! Sometimes I wish I never had you.”
I stomped my foot. “I didnt ask to get borned!” I wasnt mad cause she hit me. I was mad cause she said she sometimes wished shed never had me. She loved me but it pissed me off to hear her say things like that. It was mean and it was a lie cause I knew she love me. I was so mad I was shaking. “You really wish you hadnt had me?”
“I dont know. Sometimes I think your more trouble then your worth.”
“Then why dont you send me to a fuckin home then if Im not worth keeping around!”
“Dwight, stop, your my boy. Now if youd listen for just one goddamn minute…”
“No, shut up Mommy! You listen! You listen! Im your boy! You listen to your boy for just one minute!” I wasnt sure what I going to say, I just wanted her to shut up and stop saying mean things about not wanting me.
“Dwight, you get in your fuckin room right now. If you ever talk to me like that again Ill fuckin kill you, do you understand? Im all you got. Yes, I love you, yes, your exhausting. Im glad I had you, but I wish you were different.”
I started crying. I wished I was different to. I went to my room and she followed me. “Leave me alone.”
“Dwight.” I sat on the the bed and she sat next to me and hugged me. “Dwight, Im sorry. I never should have said those things about you.”
“So you didnt really mean them?”
“No, my sweet boy.”
“Then why did you say them?”
“I was angry, honey.”
“Do you love me?”
“More then anything else in the world.”
“Then I love you to.” I put my head on her lap. I was still crying like a baby. I felt dizzy and my head hurt.
“Dwight, I want you to go to sleep for a while.”
“Ill help you.” Mommy brought me three sleeping pills with a glass of orange juice. Sometimes she gave me pills to help me calm down. I didnt like them but I took them anyway. Sometimes when I wouldnt take them shed trick me by hiding them in food. She was smart.
Once I tried to hide a sleeping pill in her food but she found it and hit me. I took the three sleeping pills and drank every single drop of the orange juice because Dwight Pritchard dont waste. Mommy stroked my head and sang me the Kookaburra song until I started to go to sleep. I tried to sing along but my voice was thick. Mommy wiped a little bit of drool off my lips with her sleeve and kissed me on the cheek.
I fell asleep for a few hours and when I woke up the room was dark and I was alone.
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